Working on the reason you fell for this person is key! That was her exit from years of his madness.
In many cases, to present as a victim or hero, they will deny that they wanted to make that choice in the first place! The most critical practice to undertake when in a relationship with a blamer is to get irrefutably clear on who we are in our own heart—which only we can know.
Instead of admitting that self-improvement may be in order, they would prefer that their victims take responsibility for their behavior and feel ashamed of themselves.
Funny thing is I have not had a blackout since he is unable to get into my house to drug me.
Put up an imaginary bubble around you.
And the term is really just family dynamics, which, again, can just be really messy and based on years or even generations of misunderstandings and unhealthy behaviours that get passed along.